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Still, some surprises hit me good. Like, didja know way back, escorts in Rome—yeah, ancient Rome—had licenses? Freakin’ wild, right? Government was all, “Pay up, get your stamp!” Ain’t that a trip? Makes me grin thinkin’ ‘bout it—history’s got a sense o’ humor, y’all.

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So, I finally get to my pigs. They’re all chillin’ in their pen, looking at me like, “Where’s our breakfast?” I’m like, “Chill, guys! I’m here!” But then, one of them, I swear, her name’s Gilda, decides to escape. She bolts right past me! I’m running after her down Via dei Fiori, yelling like a madman. “Gilda! Get back here!”

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