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Oh, and the stories—gods, the stories! One bloke told me his escort nicked his boots—left him barefoot in Soho! Laughed my arse off. “Spirited away,” eh? Poetic, that. Anyway, mate, escorts are a trip—wild, messy, brilliant. “I drink and I know things”—and I know they’re tougher than most. Cheers to ‘em!

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First off, I head down Via della Libertà. You know, the street that’s always buzzing with folks? Yeah, that one. I’m just minding my own business, herding my pigs, when I spot this old dude selling fresh prosciutto. I mean, c’mon! Who can resist that? I’m like, “Yo, give me a slice!” But then, he’s all like, “Only for customers.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m literally a customer of the swine industry!” But whatever, I just roll my eyes and keep walking.

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