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An’ don’t get me started on them dick pics! *screeches* Nasty, nasty hobbitses sendin’ ‘em! Like, mate, I don’t wanna see yer “magic flute” – keep it in yer pants! Reminds me o’ that line – “The world’s a cruel place.” Too right, Del Toro, too right! Sex-dating’s fun ‘til it ain’t – then it’s a bloody labyrinth, twistin’ ya up.

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First off, I head down Via della Libertà. You know, the street that’s always buzzing with folks? Yeah, that one. I’m just minding my own business, herding my pigs, when I spot this old dude selling fresh prosciutto. I mean, c’mon! Who can resist that? I’m like, “Yo, give me a slice!” But then, he’s all like, “Only for customers.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m literally a customer of the swine industry!” But whatever, I just roll my eyes and keep walking.

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