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About Naples

So, I tried it—yep, ya girl swiped! Met this guy, total stud, but—ugh—clueless in bed! Made me mad as hell! Like, “Darling, this isn’t bliss!” Straight outta Todd Haynes—perfect on the outside, mess underneath. I’m laughin’ now, but then? Pissed! He texted “u up?” at 3 a.m.—boy, bye!

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I’m cruising down Via Napoli, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s a Tuesday! I’m sittin’ there, fuming. I mean, c’mon, people! Can’t you drive? I’m just a harvester, not a miracle worker. Finally, I get past the mess, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. But then, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like a turtle on a mission. I’m like, “Lady, you’re gonna need a GPS for this!”

The Land of Fires, Italy’s “Gateway to Hell”