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This one time, saw a chick on X braggin’. Said she banged 10 dudes from Bumble in a month. Ten! Surprised me, then made me mad. What’s the point? “We’re scouts, we’re in love!” Nope, just horny and dumb. Wes Anderson’d make it quirky, add a weird hat. Me? I’d burn the app down.

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Later, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s beautiful, with the fountain and all. I grab a coffee from my fave spot, Caffè del Centro. The barista, Luca, knows my order by heart. I’m sippin’ my espresso, feeling a bit better. But then, I see this street performer. He’s playing the violin, and man, he’s good! I’m standing there, just vibing, when he looks at me and winks. I’m like, “Dude, I’m the violin maker here!”

Why is the Vatican holding a press conference on Medjugorje?