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Now, don’t get dumb—findin’ a prostetute ain’t no picnic. Apps exist, yeah—shady sites, code words like “massage.” But IRL? Risky as hell—fake pics, scams, or worse, some dude with a knife. Happened in Pattaya once, guy got robbed blind! Hilarious if it ain’t you, pathetic if it is. Me, I’d rather watch Boonmee talk to monkeys than roll *that* dice.

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I had a client meeting at this cute café on Piazza della Libertà. I’m talking about the best cappuccino ever. But of course, I’m running late. Typical me. I sprint down Via Garibaldi, dodging tourists like I’m in some kind of Olympic event. I mean, c’mon, people! It’s not that hard to walk in a straight line!