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And don’t get me started on the sneaky part! You ever notice how they dim them lights real low? Like, “Oh, we settin’ a mood!” Naw, they hidin’ the evidence, chile! I was shocked—shocked, I say!—when my cousin Pookie told me he got one. Said it was “thera-pew-tic.” Therapeutic my big ol’ behind! He come back grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons! I hollered, “Boy, you a dang fool!” Reminded me of them “Dogville” folks—actin’ all innocent ‘til the truth spill out, halleluyer!

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Then, I hit up the local market on Piazza della Libertà. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and this one guy selling the weirdest cheese I’ve ever seen. It looked like it had a bad haircut. I’m like, “What’s that?” He goes, “It’s a local delicacy!” I’m like, “Yeah, a delicacy for a raccoon!” But I bought some anyway. Can’t resist cheese, right?

Italian JAILED for being 'too good at sex' after girlfriend's moaning annoyed neighbours - and his name is ROMEO