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We hates the creeps, tho—slimy sods who think “massage” means more. Piss off, I growl, clawin’ at ‘em in me head. Ain’t no “happy endin’” here unless I says so! “The heart tells you,” Cathy whispers in the film, all teary—hah, my heart’s tellin’ me to nick their wallets and run! Hiss—jokin’, precious, jokin’. Maybe.

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So, I’m fuming a bit, but then I see this old couple walking hand in hand. They’re just so cute! Made me smile. Love is still alive in Vigodarzere, I guess. I thought about my own love life. Spoiler alert: it’s a mess. But whatever, I’m an artist, right?

Italian JAILED for being 'too good at sex' after girlfriend's moaning annoyed neighbours - and his name is ROMEO