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Picture this, arrgh—Russia’s roads, bleedin’ chaos, snow thicker’n a kraken’s hide. Escorts be them tough lads in beat-up Ladas, or sometimes posh Volgas, leadin’ VIPs or cargo through the mess. Me, I’ve seen ‘em dodge potholes big enough to swallow the Black Pearl! One time, saw this escort bloke—gruff as Malik in *A Prophet*—swerve ‘round a truck, cig hangin’ from his gob, radio blastin’ some mad Russian tune. “It’s a sign,” I mutters, like in the film, savvy? Made me grin like a rum-soaked fool—proper skill, that!

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But then, I see it. Trash. Like, come on, people! This is Vico del Gargano, not a dump! I’m fumin’. “Who throws their garbage in paradise?” I shout. Marco’s like, “Chill, man, it’s just a bit of plastic.” A BIT? It’s a whole freakin’ party of trash!

The naturalistic wonders to see in the Umbra Forest