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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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First off, I hit up Via Filangieri for my morning espresso. Best coffee in town, no cap. I’m sippin’ my brew, and boom! A pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing pad. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I freak out, spill half my coffee. Great start, right?

Capo La Gala Hotel & Wellness