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About Bari
But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!
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When I get there, it’s a whole scene. Neighbors are gathered, looking up at this poor cat. I’m thinking, “What am I, a cat whisperer?” But I climb the tree anyway. I’m halfway up when I realize I’m terrified of heights. Great. Just great.
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