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But lemme spill the tea—some o’ these johns? Nasty as a skunk’s behind! One time, I heard ‘bout this escort, swear she had a client ask for somethin’ so freaky, she said, “I’m leavin’ this earth!”—straight outta Lars’ movie vibes! Got me hollerin’—Halleluyer!—‘cause who even thinks that up? Prolly some fool with too much money and no sense. Made me madder than a wet hen, I tell ya!

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Parco della Rimembranza. It’s a nice park, lots of trees, and a great spot to chill. But as I’m walking, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me. I’m like, “Great, now I’m that person.” I look around, and thankfully no one saw. Phew! But then, I see this cute dog. I’m talking about a fluffy little ball of joy. I’m trying to pet it, and the owner’s like, “Uh, he bites.” Ugh, thanks for the heads up, buddy.

Italy holidays: Lazio is Italy's very under-rated back garden