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What pisses me off? The liars. Dude says he’s 6’2”, rolls up 5’8” in flip-flops. “I don’t remember you”—Memento vibes, I’m erasing you too, bro! But when it works? Hot damn, it’s gold. Met this guy once—tattoos, smirky grin—thought I’d die happy. Spoiler: I didn’t. He ghosted. Still, that night? Fire. Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes you win, mostly you’re like, “WTF was that?”

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Finally, I wrap up the call, and I’m like, “Phew!” But then, I realize I’m starving. I hit up this little trattoria on Via Vittorio Emanuele. The pasta? To die for! I’m talking about the kind of food that makes you wanna cry. I’m shoveling it in, and the waiter is just looking at me like I’m a beast. Whatever, man.

Last known survivor of 19th century dies at 117