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Favorite part? When they outsmart the cops—sneaky, ballsy moves. Gets me pumped, like, “That’s my kinda people!” Reminds me, “The rush beats the pain.” Hell yeah, it does! Ever hear ‘bout that escort who scammed a politician? Took his cash, ghosted—legend! Wish I’d seen that guy’s face, probably redder than my gabagool.

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Then, I bump into an old friend from college. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job. He’s all excited, and I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. Like, why can’t I have that kind of enthusiasm? I’m just a sports psychologist, trying to keep my clients from losing their minds.

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