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Hallo, my friend! So, sex-dating, ja? Dis crazy world of hookin’ up online—it’s wild, I tell ya! I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ bout it, and it’s like oil gushin’ outta the ground in *There Will Be Blood*. “I drink your milkshake!”—dat’s what dese apps feel like, suckin’ up all da desperation, haha! Ya swipe right, boom, instant date—maybe some naughty fun if ya lucky. I luv it, so fast, so easy, like liftin’ weights—pump, pump, done!

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After an hour of searching, I finally spot Pino. He’s chilling under a bench at the Giardini Comunali. I’m like, “Dude, you had us worried!” Marco’s over the moon. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I remember my shirt. Ugh.