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But lemme drop some truth—sex-dating ain’t all roses. Got catfished once, pissed me off bad. Drove 30 mins, chick looked like Shosanna’s stunt double—*not* hot. I’m like, “This ain’t my fuckin’ masterpiece!” Stomped outta there, fumin’. Apps lie, bro, happens too much. Fun fact: 1 in 5 profiles fake—greedy bastards catfishin’ for lulz.

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little café on Via della Libertà. You know the one? The barista, Marco, always messes up my order. I asked for a cappuccino, and he gives me a macchiato. I’m like, “Dude, c’mon! I need my caffeine fix!” But whatever, I chug it down anyway. It’s like fuel for my soul, ya know?