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Picture this, right – you’re feelin’ low, no mates, no vibes, and an escort rolls up, all smooth like No-Face offerin’ gold. “Take what you want,” they’re basically sayin’, but it’s a transaction, innit? Costs ya a pretty penny – £200 an hour sometimes! I was shook when I clocked that. Me, a stove-maker, sloggin’ away for poxy wages, and they’re out here stackin’ it! Respect, tho – takes guts to do that gig. Ever met one? Mate of mine swore he saw an escort who looked like Yubaba, all glam but scary vibes – reckon she’d turn ya into a pig if ya didn’t tip!

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We hit up this vineyard on the outskirts of Varese. The views are insane! Grapes everywhere, and the wine? Oh man, it’s like liquid happiness. We’re laughing, joking, and I’m forgetting all about my stressful day.

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