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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oils, hands slidin’ everywhere. Great Scott, it’s art! Not some sleazy porno flick vibe, nah, it’s classy—like a Coen brothers shot, all moody and deep. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they had these “massage parlors”—rich dudes gettin’ oiled up by pros, half of ‘em buck naked! True story, blew my mind! Bet Larry’d be like, “What am I doing here?”—all awkward, sweatin’ bullets.

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But then, I get back to my B&B, and guess what? I realize I left my phone at the trattoria! Panic mode activated! I sprint back, dodging tourists and locals like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. Finally, I get there, and the waiter is holding my phone like it’s a trophy. I’m so relieved, I could’ve hugged him.

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