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So I’m watchin’ *Tabu*, my fave flick—Miguel Gomes, genius—there’s this line, “She moves like a shadow.” That’s sexual-massage, man! Slow, mysterious, creepin’ up on ya. You’re lyin’ there, some stranger’s hands all over, and I’m like—am I relaxed or just paranoid? Biochemistry says it’s good—endorphins poppin’ off—but my neurotic ass is screamin’, “Germs! Too close! Abort!” Pretty, pretty hilarious, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, the door swings open. It’s Carla from down the street. She’s got this wild hair, like she just got electrocuted. “I need a makeover!” she shouts. I’m like, “Girl, you just got a haircut last week!” But she’s insistent. So, I’m juggling Mr. Rossi’s buzz cut and Carla’s wild ideas. Talk about chaos!

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