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Had this one time, yo—masseuse was a goddamn wizard. Slippery oil, dim lights, and I’m like, “Motherfucker, this is IT!” Tension in my shoulders? Gone. Lower back? Fuckin’ melted. But here’s the kicker—some spots they hit, you’re half moanin’, half laughin’. Ever hear ‘bout the “happy ending” myth? Yeah, people whisper it, but real sexual-massage pros ain’t about that. It’s all energy, motherfucker, not a cheap porno. Pissed me off when some dude at a bar said it’s all sleaze—naw, man, it’s art!

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Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! Happiness overload. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking disaster. I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off with a napkin, and this old lady walks by. She gives me this look like I’m the biggest idiot. Thanks, lady. Appreciate it.

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