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About Milan

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Community Manager, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? Pfft, what a mess. Buncha desperate weirdos swipin’ right, hopin’ to get laid. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”—vampires, broodin’, sexy, but miserable. That’s sex-dating in a nutshell. You got these apps, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—total chaos. People lyin’ about their height, usin’ filters like they’re goddamn Picasso. “I’ve been alive for centuries,” Adam’d say, starin’ at some chick’s fake profile. Me? I’d rather carve a canoe than date online.

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But then, I see this family having a picnic. They’ve got this massive spread of food, and I’m like, “Why didn’t I think of that?” I’m starving! So, I casually stroll by, trying to catch a whiff of their food. They’ve got pasta, salami, and this amazing-looking focaccia. I’m drooling.

Welcome to the most decadent Belle Époque on Lake Garda: how Villa Sigurtà became the ultimate home away from home for Kings, Queens and opera stars