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Oi, you donkey! Sexual-massage, right? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery topic! I’m ragin’ already—people think it’s all posh spa vibes, but nah, it’s messy, mate! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils muckin’ up the place—makes me wanna yell, “Get it together, you muppet!” Been around since forever, yeah? Ancient Greeks were at it—called it “bodywork,” bunch of toga-wearing weirdos rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’. Fact is, it’s not just sexy time—proper ones fix your knackered muscles! Had one meself once, felt like Nemo’s dad screamin’, “I gotta find my son!”—except I was huntin’ for me bloody dignity under them towels!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The waves were crashing, and the sun was glistening on the water. It was beautiful, but then I saw it. A bunch of kids playing soccer on the sand. They were kicking the ball around like they were in the World Cup. I got all nostalgic, thinking about my childhood. I used to be a champ at that!

Shuttle service commences between COSCO’s European hub and Vado Gateway