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About Florence

Sex-dating’s a fuckin’ roulette. One night, you’re vibin’ – next, ghosted. Happened to me once – dude said he’s “open-minded.” Met up, he’s rantin’ about flat Earth. FLAT. EARTH. I’m like, “Bro, you serious?” Couldn’t force-choke his dumb ass fast enough. “Theodore, you’re strange,” I’d say – like in “Her.” People out here catfishing harder than Jabba hustlin’ spice. Little known fact – 1 in 5 profiles? Fake as hell. Stats don’t lie, bitches do.

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We finally hit the beach, and it’s packed. Families, kids, sunbathers. I’m trying to find a spot, and Marco’s like, “Let’s just plop down here.” So we do. I’m slathering on sunscreen, and this kid next to me is building a sandcastle. I’m thinking, “Man, I used to be that kid.”