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Arrgh, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow here, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? So, this blasted word—“escort”—it’s a tricky wench, ain’t it? Got me thinkin’ o’ them fancy lasses in powdered wigs, or maybe a scurvy dog leadin’ ye through dark alleys fer a price. Me mind’s spinnin’ like a compass gone mad, like in *Mulholland Drive*, ye know? “This is the girl,” they say, but who’s she really, eh? A mystery wrapped in silk stockings!

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So, I finally get to the piazza, and my client is late. Typical. I’m standing there, looking like a lost puppy, when I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, help her out, and she’s like, “Grazie, giovane!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, I’m a hero today!” But then, she starts telling me her life story. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta protect a VIP here!”

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