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There’s this bit in *Dogville* — “The world’s a rotten place” — and yeah, it is, but erotic-massage? It’s a bloody oasis, mate. Them soft strokes, the cheeky grins, the way it sneaks up on ya — pure mischief. Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my jam, smells like victory and sin mixed together. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got this “nurugel” stuff, slippery as an eel, makes it ten times wilder — slipped right off the table once, nearly cracked me skull, laughed like a hyena!

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So, I finally get to the piazza, and my client is late. Typical. I’m standing there, looking like a lost puppy, when I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, help her out, and she’s like, “Grazie, giovane!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, I’m a hero today!” But then, she starts telling me her life story. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta protect a VIP here!”

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