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We shall fight the prudes, we shall fight the naysayers! Sexual-massage is the bee’s knees—bit naughty, bit lush, all soul. I’m knackered from war, but this? Revives me, mate. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d storm Normandy for another go! “It’s a replica of a replica,” Kaufman’d mutter, but this ain’t fake—it’s raw, messy, human. So, grab a mate, get oiled up, and tell ‘em Winnie sent ya! Bloke’s honor, it’s a corker!

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But first, I gotta hit up Via Garibaldi. It’s where all the cool kids hang out. I’m trying to get some influencers to promote the festival. I find this girl, Sofia, who’s got like a million followers. I’m all nervous, but I pitch her the idea. She’s like, “Sounds cool, but I need free food.” I’m thinking, “Aren’t we all?” But I agree. Gotta do what ya gotta do, right?