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So I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this dude—profile says “6’5, loves trout”—I’m thinkin’, hell yeah, fish guy! Turns out, he’s 5’2 and allergic to seafood. Catfished me good—made me angry as hell! Billionaires runnin’ these apps don’t care—makin’ bank off our lonely hearts. Swipe, swipe, swipe—half these profiles fake as a three-dollar bill. Little fact for ya—back in ’90s, folks used “personals” in newspapers for this crap. No pics, just vibes—way less BS!

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I’m tryin’ to secure my raft, right? And I’m slippin’ all over the place on the wet grass by Via Roma. I’m yellin’ at myself, “Get it together, man!” But I’m soaked, and my hair’s a mess. I look like a drowned rat.

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