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Oh, an’ the funniest bit? Some geezer matched me – me! – tryna sext. I was like, “Bruv, I ain’t battin’ for your team!” Proper laughed my arse off, but respect, innit? Sex-datin’s a jungle – you never know who’s lurkin’. Little tip, fam: if they ask for cash upfront, run! Learned that the hard way – lost 50 quid to a “PayPal princess.” Fumin’!

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After the rain, the sun pops back out. Typical Trentola-Ducenta weather, right? I’m finally gettin’ my raft ready when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids from the scuola elementare on Via Napoli. They’re havin’ a water balloon fight! I can’t help but laugh. They’re runnin’ around, squealin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could join!”

Crackdown in San Marcellino