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Me? I’d be swipin’ like a maniac, cacklin’ at the weirdos. Probs exaggerate my bio— “Undead stud, 6 centuries experience!” Ha! Sex-dating’s a circus, fam—clowns, freaks, the works. You dive in, it’s a gamble. Might score, might flop. “All I have left is this pain,” Georges moans—dramatic, sure, but I feel that after a bad date. Total trainwreck sometimes! Still, it’s a rush—keeps ya alive, ya know? Or undead, in my case. It’s showtime, bitches—go get laid or get played!

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Suddenly, the kid kicks the ball too hard, and it rolls right into the fountain. I’m laughin’ my ass off. The kid’s face is priceless! He’s like, “Noooo!” I mean, c’mon, it’s just water! But then, I get this wild idea. I walk over, roll up my pants, and fish the ball out. The kid’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas.

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