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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load of bull. Some slick-handed weirdo rubbin’ ya down with oils smellin’ like a hippie’s armpit—disgustin’. But fine, I’ll tell ya ‘bout it, since you’re beggin’. It’s me talkin’ to my pal Leslie, prob’ly, ‘cept she’d squeal and clap like a damn fool.

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I hit up the market on Piazza Garibaldi. Man, the vibe there is always lit! Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of pastries wafting through the air. I grabbed a bomb cornetto from this little bakery. Best decision ever! But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a bunch of tomatoes. Like, bro, they’re tomatoes, not gold! I couldn’t help but laugh.

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