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But oh baby, when it’s good? *fans self* It’s fireworks! Met this one doll on Tinder – sweet as pie, rocked my world. Had me smilin’ like a damn fool, thinkin’, “I’m so happy I could die!” – yup, stole that from Clementine. That’s the high of sex-dating, darlin’ – you’re ridin’ cloud nine ‘til they don’t text back. Grr, ghostin’ pisses me OFF! Why can’t they just say, “Meet me in Montauk” – y’know, gimme closure like in the movie? Nope, they vanish, leavin’ me hot and bothered.

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Finally, I’m like, “Enough of this madness.” I decide to hit the beach. I mean, Trapani’s got some of the best beaches, right? I plop down on the sand at Lido Paradiso, and for a moment, life is good. The sun’s warm, the waves are crashin’, and I’m finally relaxin’. But then, this kid runs by, kickin’ sand all over me. Seriously? I’m covered in sand like I just rolled in it.

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