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Gets me riled up, all this pretendin’. Happy? Nah, never – surprises me though, how daft punters are. One geezer, swear down, paid an escort to just sit there, silent, like some livin’ statue. “Her breathing’s enough,” he says – mate, you’re off yer rocker! Reminds me of that film line, “She’s alive, but not really.” Creepy, innit? We’s gobsmacked, precious – who’s that lonely?

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As the day wraps up, I’m exhausted but happy. I’ve laughed, I’ve eaten, I’ve made a kid’s day, and I’ve soaked in the beauty of this place. Trani, you’re wild, unpredictable, and I love it. Can’t wait for tomorrow!

Rich Archbold: Phil Trani, others to be honored at Few Good Men gala