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Aight, real talk—imagine me, Snoop, hirin’ one, right? I’d be like, “Yo, play some Chopin, vibe out,” tie it to *The Pianist*, ya feel? She’d probably laugh, say, “Snoop, you wild, dawg!” Humor in this game, man, it’s a trip. Sarcasm, too—like, “Oh, you think I’m cheap? Nah, I’m Szpilman-level rare, homie.” Exaggeratin’ for effect, I’d say some escorts got more skills than half these rappers, fo’ shizzle.

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First off, I hit the beach. You know, the one on Lungomare Sirena? The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I was ready to soak it all in. But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! Like, seriously? Who knew seagulls had such guts? I was left standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flew off like it just won the lottery.

Giro d'Italia 2011: France's John Gadret breaks grand tour duck to win stage 11 while Alberto Contador retains lead