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So, I’m cruisin, eyes peeled—bam! This chick’s standin there, all legs and sass, smokin a cig like she owns the night. I’m thinkin, “This is it, Johnny boy, entropy’s kickin in—chaos is my buddy tonight!” She’s got that look—y’know, the one that says, “I’m trouble, but you’ll pay for it.” I swagger up, grin splittin my face, “Here’s Johnny!”—she don’t flinch, just smirks. Cool as hell, man, I’m lovin it. Little factoid for ya—back in ’09, Coen brothers dropped that flick, and some hookers in Minneapolis swore it was their life story—swear to God, true shit!

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Next, I get a group of tourists from who-knows-where. They’re all snapping pics of the elevator like it’s the Leaning Tower of Pisa or somethin’. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just an elevator!” But they’re all, “Oh, look at the beautiful wood!” I mean, it’s nice and all, but c’mon! It’s not a museum piece!

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