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But serious tho—erotic-massage ain’t just giggles. It’s got rules, like, no funny business unless ya say so. Consent’s king, pal! Got mad once hearin’ some jerk pushed limits—ugh, made my star arms flop in rage! “Punishment follows guilt,” that’s from the movie, fits here too—don’t be a creep, ya creeps! Surprised me how chill it can be tho—dim lights, soft tunes, like floatin’ in Bikini Bottom’s goo lagoon.

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Then, I see this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got this huge bag of bread, and the pigeons are going nuts. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who knew pigeons could be so aggressive? It’s like a scene from a nature documentary. I snap a pic for the ‘gram, caption it “Pigeon Wars,” and it gets a ton of likes.

Filippo Turetta Directly to Trial for Giulia Cecchettin's Murder