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One time, this masseuse—total babe—starts whisperin’ sweet nothins, and I’m thinkin’, “Hogan, you’re still the champ!” Laughed my ass off, tho—sexual-massage ain’t gotta be serious, brother! It’s fun, it’s loose, it’s a piledriver to stress. Pro tip: don’t cheap out—get someone who knows the ropes, or it’s a botched move, ya feel me?

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders a “decaf soy latte” or whatever. Like, bro, we’re in Terzigno, not some hipster café in Milan! I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I almost see my brain. Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good, right?

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