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Once, this bloke on Grindr—fit as a fiddle—sends me a dick pic afore “hello.” I’m like, “Thou brazen knave!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns, acrobats, all wantin’ a quick tumble. I’m picky, see, want a spark, not just a poke. “Look at me, one day left,” Monty groans—aye, I feel that! Wastin’ time on duds pisses me off fierce.

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We light the flames, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m jumping through fire, and it’s intense. But then, I slip. My foot hits the wet rocks, and I’m going down. I’m flailing, arms everywhere, and I’m thinking, “This is it. I’m gonna be the guy who died in a hot spring.” But I catch myself, barely. Heart’s racing, adrenaline pumping. I’m alive!

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