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But, omg, the drama tho—clients get salty if girls cancel last min. I’m cacklin’, like, “Dude, she’s not your gf, chill!” One time, this guy left a review—swear it said, “She stole my watch, 5 stars.” I’m dead. Humor’s dark, but I’m here for it. Oh, and the app’s got this secret code thingy—girls say “coffee” if they’re feelin’ unsafe. Smart af.

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I grab my coffee from that little café on Piazza della Libertà. You know the one? The barista, Marco, always gives me that “you again?” look. But hey, I’m a regular! I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam. But today, he messes it up. Like, how do you mess up foam? I’m fuming, but I just laugh it off. “Hey, Marco, I didn’t order a latte!” He just shrugs. Classic Marco.