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Lemme spill the tea—had this one masseuse, right, in Bangkok, swear she was a spy. Hands so smooth, I’m thinkin’, “This gal’s gonna carve her initials in my back!” Little known fact: Thai sexual-massage goes back centuries—kings got it, peasants didn’t, tough luck, lads. She’s kneadin’ me, I’m half-expecting her to whisper, “That’s a bingo!” like Christoph Waltz, but nah, just moans and jasmine vibes. Made me happy as a pig in shit—tension gone, 007 swagger back.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that strong espresso that slaps you awake. But guess what? The barista, bless her heart, spilled half of it on me! Like, c’mon! I’m tryin’ to be a classy musician here, not a walking coffee stain. I was fumin’ but then I saw her smile. Ugh, fine, I’ll let it slide.

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