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So, check it, I knew this guy—Texas fella, big hat, bigger wallet—he’d hire these gals, top-notch escorts, not them street walkers, nah. Swore it was “companionship,” but c’mon, we ain’t born yesterday! Paid ‘em $500 an hour—five Benjamins, y’all!—just to sip whiskey and “talk.” Yeah, talk my ass! Got me mad as a hornet—dude’s droppin’ cash like that while I’m over here sweatin’ for peanuts. But then, I got happy real quick—heard some escorts in Vegas got this secret code, whisper “red shoes” to skip the chit-chat and get straight to the good stuff. Little known fact, swear it’s true, blew my dang mind!

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude starts yellin’. He’s on the rocks near the Abbey of St. Scholastica, and he’s like, “Help! My dog!” I’m like, “What?!” Turns out, his dog jumped in the water. So, I sprint over, and this little pup is just paddlin’ like a champ. I dive in, grab the dog, and the old guy is all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ like a hero, right? But then the dog shakes off all over me. Thanks, buddy.

Subiaco Abbey monks brew beer as community outreach