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So I’m muckin about, half-pissed, and this one lass goes, “50 quid, love!” I’m like, “50?! For what, a handshake?!” Total piss-take. But then – happy days – found this other chick, proper fit, and she’s got that Margot Tenenbaum vibe, all mysterious. “You’re a genius!” I slur, cos she knew the game, no faff. Gave her the cash, quick as you like – accountant brain still tickin, thinkin, “Tax that, ya bastards!”

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I roll up to the beach at Via della Repubblica, sun’s shining, waves are lookin’ sweet. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a breeze.” But nah, life had other plans. First off, I spot this kid, like, 10 years old, tryin’ to surf on a boogie board. Dude, he’s got no clue! I’m like, “Yo, you’re gonna wipe out!” And guess what? He wipes out. Hard. I dive in, save the day, and he’s just laughin’ like it’s all a game. Kids, man.

Subiaco’s Country Monks Brewing temporarily halting commercial production