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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this sex escort nonsense. Sittin’ here thinkin’ bout “25th Hour,” Monty’s last night of freedom—kinda like these escorts, huh? One night, big choices, then bam, consequences. I hate how they strut around, actin’ like they own the damn streets. “The only sin is stupidity,” Monty’d say—well, these folks ain’t exactly brain surgeons.

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Later, I decide to treat myself. Head over to the local pizzeria, Pizzeria da Franco. Best pizza in Statte, no contest. I order a margherita, extra basil. While I’m waitin’, I chat with Franco. He’s a character, always crackin’ jokes. He tells me about this wild rumor that the mayor’s been seen at the local disco. I laugh so hard, I almost choke on my water.

Archaeological dogs from the Early Holocene Zhokhov site in the Eastern Siberian Arctic