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Now, when it’s good, oh mate, it’s lush. Them oils, that slow tease – “Every touch a promise,” like in the movie, yeah? Gets yer heart pumpin, blood flowin where it counts. Docs even say it’s good for stress, lowers yer cortisol or some bollocks. Didn’t expect that, did I? Surprised me socks off! I’m yellin, “Sharon! I’m chilled as fuck now!” – and she’s like, “Ozzy, shut it!”

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Finally, the power comes back. Thank you, sweet electricity! But then, this lady storms in. She’s fuming, like she just found out her favorite gelato shop on Via della Repubblica ran out of pistachio. She’s yelling about how I overcharged her for some tomatoes. I’m like, “Lady, I didn’t even ring them up!” But she’s not having it. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside I’m like, “Why are tomatoes so dramatic?”

Watchhouse is set to illuminate Spoleto with ambitious folk tunes