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Gets me blood boiling when blokes reckon it’s dodgy, tho. Like, “Ooh, it’s sleazy!” Nah, you muppet, it’s art! Relaxes ya, sorts yer stress – better than a bleedin’ PowerPoint sesh. I was buzzing after, happier than Sam and Suzy running off into the woods, y’know? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing” – that’s me, tryna explain it to the lads at the pub. They’re clueless, sipping pints, while I’m enlightened, oil still glistening on me back!

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When I get to the church, it’s a mess. The door’s busted, and there’s glass everywhere. I’m thinkin’, “What kind of loser breaks into a church?” But then I see it—a beautiful old chalice, gone. I’m fumin’. Like, who steals from a church? That’s just low, man.

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