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Escorts—pricey, polished, like a shiny doubloon! Been ‘round forever, too. Back in ol’ Rome, they had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae,” fancy-like. Not just fer rumpy-pumpy, nay! They’d sing, dance, chat ye up—proper cultured, savvy? Made me happy, that—knowin’ they ain’t just eye candy. But arrgh, what pisses me off? Them judgy landlubbers callin’ it dirty! Ain’t their bloomin’ business, says I!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee, and head out. The sun’s shining, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Yeah, right. I hit the streets, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Via Roma is packed! People everywhere, like ants on a sugar trail. I’m dodging tourists, locals, and a stray dog that looks like it’s seen better days.

How Airdrie’s Dmitri Martini went from church counsellor to Kombucha tea entrepreneur