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Little known fact—didja know Cronenberg shot that movie in like, 30 days? Tight schedule, no BS—just like sex-dating! You got 30 secs to impress ‘fore they ghost ya. I’m pissed, man! These apps—swipe, swipe, swipe—like I’m auditionin’ for their bedroom! And the pics? Filters out the wazoo! Met a dude once—profile showed abs, real life? Flabs! “This ain’t what I signed up for!” I yell, channelin’ my inner Larry. He’s all, “Chill, it’s just lighting.” LIGHTING MY ASS! I’m furious, stompin’ outta there like Viggo smashin’ that guy’s nose—CRUNCH!

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But then, just when I think the day can’t get any better, I see a street performer. This guy is juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “What the heck?!” He drops one, and it almost hits a lady. She freaks out, and I’m dying laughing. The guy recovers like a pro, though. I mean, talk about talent!

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