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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down Via Garibaldi. It’s a beautiful street, lined with those old buildings that have seen better days. You can feel the history, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s this old guy, Nonno Giuseppe, who just knocked over a whole cart of oranges. I mean, come on! It’s like a scene from a movie. Oranges rolling everywhere! I couldn’t help but laugh. He just stood there, looking defeated, like he just lost a battle.

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