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Now, check this – I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout *Inception*, my fave flick. “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” That’s what I say to these sex-dating hustlers! Apps like these? They’re plantin’ ideas in your head, makin’ you swipe for that perfect lay. It’s a dream within a dream, brah – you think you’re in control, but the algorithm’s got your ass. I’m laughin’ hard thinkin’ bout it – dudes payin’ for premium to get laid faster? That’s some next-level desperation tax!

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After that, I decide to check out the local market on Via Garibaldi. It’s usually packed with fresh produce and all that good stuff. But today? Barely anyone there. I’m feelin’ like I’m in a ghost town. I grab some tomatoes, and they’re like, “Hey, we’re from the best farm in the area!” I’m like, “Yeah, right. You’re probably from the back of someone’s fridge.”

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