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But—surprise, yeah?—sometimes it’s gold. Mate of mine, right, met his missus on Bumble. Proper shy lad, couldn’t chat up a lamppost. Three years later? Married! Sex-dating can work, but it’s rare as a unicorn’s fart. Most of ya are just horny donkeys chasin’ tail. “Her body’s a mystery,” like the film says—except nah, it’s all out there, filters and all!

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After that, I’m just done. I need a break. So, I head to the park near the church, you know, the one on Piazza della Libertà. I sit on a bench, trying to catch my breath. The view is nice, though. The mountains in the background, the trees swaying. It’s peaceful. But then, I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.”

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