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About Naples

So, last week, my buddy Bubba—he’s a hoot—tells me ‘bout this chick he saw, givin’ a sexual-massage so good he swore she was a faun, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, whisperin’, “This is our secret now.” I’m like, “Bubba, you dog!” Laughed ‘til I near peed myself. Ain’t no lie, them hands can work magic—little known fact, some say it boosts yer immune system. Science or hogwash? Hell if I know, but I’m sold!

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Solaro, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, c’mon, it’s not even summer yet! I grabbed my coffee from that little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The one with the weird art on the walls. I swear, the barista looked like he just rolled outta bed. But hey, at least the coffee was strong enough to wake the dead.

Funeral services Monday for woman authorities say was killed by her estranged husband, a Newark cop